But right now...I am coming to the understanding that this is different. Yes, I'm still working towards an ultimate goal of happiness. Of enjoying life. Of feeling fulfilled. I know that this will be a constant goal, a constant effort. But, at the same time, I realize that a set plan is not how I get there. You can't have a list for happiness - whether to create it for someone else, or for yourself. It's not a piece of furniture that comes from Ikea with step by step instructions. It's life. And it's messy. And unpredictable.
Which is why sometimes you you have to just sit back and say "Ok. I'm going to focus on this one thing I know I can do, and just let the rest be for awhile." And then life happens to you. In crazy, unexpected ways you find inspiration.
This last week I got inspiration from two unexpected sources. The first was a cousin who lives out in Colorado and sent me a pin, maybe because I've been overloading her Pinterest board (sorry Pinterest followers), that made her think of me. I love it, and am considering printing it and hanging it somewhere I'll see it every day:
The second piece was during the Grey's premiere last Thursday. A friend came over to watch and drink wine. About midway through, a voice-over monologue - common in Grey's - caught our attention about two sentences in, that caused her to look at me and say "I think they wrote this for you":
"We're all going to die. We don't get much say over how or when, but we do get to decide how we're gonna live. So, do it. Decide. Is this the life you want to live? Is this the person you want to love? Is this the best you can be? Can you be stronger? Kinder? More Compassionate? Decide. Breathe in. Breathe out and decide."
So yeah, I'm a planner. I want to know, set, and work towards the goals in my life. And sometimes when I don't feel like I'm getting there, I act like a crazy child with Tourettes strapped into a roller coaster ride, anxious to get to the fun part and be done with the ka-chunk, ka-chunk of the uphill climb. But I'm slowly realizing that that uphill climb is part of it. And the goals in life wouldn't feel like sweet, sweet victory without a bit of cursing and climbing. But mostly that, even through the climb and the cursing and clawing towards goals, there will be inspiration from friends or otherwise that remind you you're not alone. There is a bigger plan, and sometimes it's just worth relaxing and realizing you'll get there.